Gallery Chat: Transitions

When you open the door to the universe, welcoming change, sometimes it feels like you've opened a pandora's box and the universe begins throwing all sorts of surprises at you. Here, you want change? Have more than you asked for! You want an inch? I'll give you a whole dang mile!

Transition periods can be tumultuous and fulfilling and devastating and beautiful. Moving has been so good but also so difficult. Everything takes a little longer to do as you figure out a new space and a new routine. Everything takes a little more mental energy and I'm left feeling super exhausted all of the time. That's not to say Im not also thriving - having my own place feels amazing. I leave my door and walk down the street and just smile. It all feels like a big, full-body, full-spirit sigh of relief.

Mother's day was sort of tough. While I got to spend it with some beautiful people and celebrate some wonderful mums, my grandma was taken to hospital and things aren't looking great. Not terrible, and I'm waiting on more results before I make any mental conclusions myself, but it's a curveball nonetheless. I got home and felt OK, but also not OK. It feels as though I am in a funny tight-rope, limbo position emotionally. My room mate came home and found me fresh from a little cry prompted by not being able to open the new compost bag (but really about everything else). She promptly brought out the chocolate and made me tea and gave me the biggest hug. I'm so grateful to be living with this gal.

Spring is also in full swing - another transition period. The city is exploding with blooms and gardens are just so full of newness to explore. I thrive in this weather and this season and I'm so glad and hopeful to grow alongside all the flowers and trees, fill out this apartment and this new routine with beauty, and persist despite the growing pains of transition periods.


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Eyes have always been a subject of interest to me - my high school notebooks are covered in endless sketches of eyes. All of my paints are at my parents' house still, so I had some fun trying this out on photoshop today. What do you think?

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Gallery Chat is a recurring post series where words and imagery collide, sometimes unrelated but emerging from the same mind in the same place in time nonetheless. In this series I explore topics and ideas that are on my mind as well as my more recent art works that I want to share with you on House of Ell.

Gallery Chat: Venus/Experiencing Sexism

I recently had a conversation with someone, this person being notorious for inflammatory and outrageous remarks, and it was a surprisingly wholesome and interesting idea. Except he intentionally left out women/girls. Which was hilarious to me because there I am, a young woman, listening to this man's "great" idea for our youth, but only young men - NOT women, only men (his words). I'm sitting there wondering what he would suggest the young women do instead then - what would you have me doing right now, sir? I didn't want to know. I wasn't prepared for confrontation so I simply left the conversation. But man did I want to pull out the big guns and shred his idea to pieces.

It isn't often that I experience blatant sexism in my circle, and for that I am privileged and so fortunate. Unfortunately it also means I'm not usually prepared to fight against it, especially when it is coming from someone older than me who clearly assumes power over the situation.

I've had these conversations with my brother about the wage gap and representation in the film industry (his area of interest). We discussed what other issues he finds important to him, and we discussed why it's hard to understand when you don't experience what women experience. The same way I have to listen to people of colour and the lgbtq community and other people who experience marginalization, learn from them, and accept that I will never understand it the same way they do, it is important for my brother to realize that he doesn't know what it's like to have someone harass him when he walks home at night based on the length of his skirt. He doesn't know what it's like to wear your favourite pair of jeans and have people visibly gawk at you when you're just trying to get some damn groceries. He doesn't know the implicit threat involved in such little gestures. He can't understand the way it feels to have male professors celebrate only the men in your class, or celebrate you for all the wrong reasons. And so on. It's nice to have these conversations with my brother because he is learning, and wants to learn. I've even had these conversations with my dad, my uncles; people who are open to listening and learning.

So how sad is it, that there are so many people out there who can't take the time of day and don't want to learn. And how easy it is to pick up on that, to clam up, and stay silent.

How easy it is to shut up when you know they won't listen.

I'm not sure what my solution is to these feelings, but I want to find more strength in times when I am negotiating these weird sexist spaces. And I wonder; how do you navigate these conversations? Do you experience them often? Please feel free to share (respectfully!) in the comments...

Gallery Chat: Privacy in a Society that Shares

I think we can all agree on the multiplicity of pros and cons of the internet. I am far from the first to write a post about the fine line between wanting to share and simultaneously wanting to hold onto my privacy. Lately I find the sharing unnerving though. Specifically, I am uncomfortable with the idea that individuals who are otherwise no longer present in my life can have access to my online content. People who have for all intents and purposes erased themselves from my life could easily stumble upon details about my work, my romantic life, my going-out habits, my schooling. For some reason this feels much more intrusive than the idea of complete strangers catching glimpses of me and my doings.

Though I focus primarily on sharing my art work or other art-related posts online, I love visuals. I swoon at photos of my heartmate and me. I audibly react to photos of my dog even if he is sitting right next to me. I keep my photo books on my bedside table for easy access. I want to photocopy these and throw them off an 80 story building and shout from the rooftops about how happy they make me.... But I also don't want to do this at all. In fact, almost equally, I want to keep these little treasures to myself, hoard them like a magpie in my nest away from anyone who doesn't need to know. Because most people don't need to.

Even my art posts are so personal. There are few things more intimate, truly, than sharing your art with the world. Not all of it of course; some of it is just gibberish in the form of visual art, like when you are trying to express yourself but your words come out gooey and turn upside down on your tongue. Generally, though, my visual art comes from somewhere deep and indescribable. It is a part of me I can only share through this mode. Yet I feel less private about my art work. Maybe I have become accustomed to sharing it openly all throughout art school and growing up with the internet. Maybe it is because I can leave it to you - the viewer - to interpret as you will. There's much more room for individual understanding and personalization for the audience - each art work is a piece of me, but you will respond to it with pieces of you. A photo of me and my friends is just about me (and maybe them, too), and you will not respond with much more than a double tap or a nod of acknowledgement.

It's a funny balance that I have yet to really find a comfortable place in. I fluctuate between feeling very open and very shy. Which I guess is ok, too.

On that note - I hope you enjoy my collage piece about wanting privacy/feeling shy. This collage was made specifically to accompany this written piece. I am trying out something new - "Gallery Chat", where I write about specific topics that are on my mind and create a visual piece to go along with it. I want to write more, and make more.

Where do you find the balance between over-sharing and good-sharing? What do you keep in mind when you decide whether or not to post a personal photo?