On Being Serious...

... or not.

When I say the words "instagram aesthetic", can you picture exactly what I mean?
Probably.

Whether you're an artist sharing your work, a fashionista sharing your styling, a traveler sharing your adventures, a chef sharing your edible creations, or anything else, there's a particular "cool", "collected", and dare I say blasé, thing about instagram.

Lots of wistful stares at cameras and half-open mouths, pursed a little. Maybe looking away from the camera and posing half-candidly in front of a cool wall.

I'm never happy with photos of myself or my surroundings trying to recreate that instagram aesthetic. I love things to look beautiful and nice but I've placed expectations on myself based on other peoples' style and amount of effort they're willing to put into social media posts.

I love social media and I don't want to ditch it - it connects me with people, connects my artwork with people, and can be such a wonderful community. I do however want to start being more myself, stop worrying about being professional (I try to keep my instagram somewhat profesh, so potential clients can engage with it). But it just isn't me!

I am maybe the farthest thing from blasé. Ever.

One of the first things I can remember my now-fella noticing about me, during a night out with friends, was "You are maybe the most animated person I've ever met." (I can still remember skipping down Spadina street at night, around the corner from the Horseshoe Tavern and a night of nice music) This was also maybe the first time someone had said something like that to me and meant it as a positive. I skip and dance and sometimes sing my sentences. I greet my seniors at work by throwing up my arms and exclaiming HELLO with so much gusto that they stop and do the same!

So here's to being me, and fighting against that instagram social hierarchy algorithm blasé cool-girl BS! Who's with me?

</rant>

Lessons from an Instagram Hiatus (+ Bedhead)

My dear friend instagram, you are that friend I love and find inspiring some days, then totally anxiety inducing the next. I find myself 'tolerating' you, more often than not. But I just can't quit ya.

Instagram was one of the reasons I started my Bedhead project in the first place. When I post flattering photos of myself, I get on average about 50% more likes than posts of my artwork do. If it's me AND my artwork? Bonus!

So what happens when I feel I can't take a flattering photo because of x y or z about my face or my body or my outfit? What happens when all these other folks are looking faboo in every post they put up and I'm left here on my end feeling real frumpy? Well, that answers it. I feel frumpy.

While the bedhead project has helped me greatly in feeling better about myself, I decided to also try a whole month without Instagram. I did this for several reasons:

• That frumpy feeling. It's no good, and the artistic or creative inspiration that instagram gives me isn't really worth that feeling.

• I spend way way way way way too much time on instagram. I tried imagining all the work I could get done or the creating I could do in the time I spend scrolling through photos of others' work and life.

• I'm working on tackling some anxieties that cause me to fidget, all the time. I constantly need my hands and eyes to be stimulated and I found that instagram was an outlet for that behaviour. Probably a relatively healthy one, but I'm trying to work on mitigating the need for that stimulation altogether.

I managed to stay off instagram for the month of October! I did check it once when someone had told me they'd sent me a message, but otherwise I deleted the app and kept it off my phone altogether.

It's hard to tell if it was instagram alone, because of other efforts towards minimizing my stress and anxious behaviours, and I moved in with my boyfriend for a October as well (as a 'trial run'... exciting stuff for another post!), but my anxieties were at an all time low! Honestly, my appearance was rarely even on my radar beyond having fun with clothes and making myself presentable for work. It was very freeing. I also found myself knitting or reading or working on school work much more deeply and frequently, without little bubbles of distraction from my phone.

As soon as I put instagram back on my phone on November 1st, I spent way too long "catching up". The feeling of being sucked right back into the app was so apparent to me, that I deleted it again the same day! I started comparing myself to others again, mainly when it comes to appearances. I started day dreaming about cutting my hair or dying it or getting a nose piercing. I've caught myself online shopping and wanting more more more, flattering outfits, trendy outfits. Something new. I don't actually want to do these things, but here they are, new ideas in my head.

I've decided not to delete instagram again, though I have been feeling very close to it. I want to learn to find the self confidence and will power to use it wisely. To use it in a way that works towards my goals: sharing my art work with followers, and engaging with other artists on the platform. That's really what I want it to serve as. So, I started by unfollowing all the beautiful fashionistas I followed. Not because I don't still love their style, but because it is damaging to me to see their feeds day in and day out on my phone.

Do you have an instagram where you share your art? I would LOVE to follow you! My instagram for my art is @katiaengell_ , and my instagram for this blog is @house.of.ell if you'd like to follow back.

House of Ell Instagram!

This year I'm taking the time to "curate" a House of Ell instagram account associated with this blog. My goal for it is to help build community in a quick and easy way (I love that I can tag directly to other peoples' accounts!) but also not be one of the instagram accounts that only shares other peoples' stuff and gets popular from featuring others. I'm aiming for a 50-50 balance of my own photos and artwork, and others'.

It's been fun and inspiring so far to collect images that I find beautiful and post them all in one spot. I love seeing them all in a square grid when I look at my profile as a whole, and I've been enjoying connecting a bit with other creatives. I'm looking forward to seeing what this instagram door opens up for me!

Follow along @house.of.ell on instagram! And let me know if you'd ever be interesting in having your work added to the little online collection ;)

Follow my Adventure on Instagram!

Off I go! As I will be 'backpacking' and won't have a laptop or anything, the most in-touch I will be will be through instagram! Follow if you like traveling and pictures of cool things.

Follow me on instagram @katiaengell_ !

I'll be back in June!
xo